Indian women have come of the age where they no longer feel feminism is a curse. Thanks to globalization, and independent lifestyles, they can go to any extent and are no longer bound by any shackles, curtailing their freedom. But one force still beckons her back to the age old traditions. The force called Mangalyam. Will the three knots still bind her?

I grew up in a traditional environment. My mom was a very conservative lady, half the time she devoted to praying, reading religious books etc. Of course she wasn’t very orthodox in the sense that she never said NO to whatever I did.

I had full freedom. I can choose my attire. I can choose people whom I can talk to and make friends. I had many friends, most of them boys, who still used to visit my home and my mom, never objected.

Until now when things started to change erratically...

A few weeks earlier, Akhil was tying the nuptial knot, and I couldn’t believe that I was getting married so soon. As he stooped down to tie the mangalsutra, I sat with my head bent down when someone lifted my braided hair and he tied the first knot signifying that he will be bound to me manasa, the second one, vaacha and the third one, karmena.

Akhil’s seven years elder to me. All my life I’ve been friends with guys more or less, my age. I always wondered how I would lead my life with some one very elder to me.

On the very first night of our marriage, Akhil spoke about things which impressed me a lot. “Marriage is an institute built on the foundations of trust and faith. Once you lose them, there’s no point in coexistence after that. It’s the dedicated love I need from you. The mangalsutra and all the other paraphernalia pertain to social status.”

Akhil’s perhaps, the most wonderful guy I’ve ever seen in my life. He knew a lot of stuff and loved to teach me. He too like my mom never said NO for anything. I’ve married the perfect man. I never had a single reason to dislike him. He’s the best.

He’s not just a husband. He’s my best friend, my mentor, my heart; yep, I‘ve fallen in love with him, and what not.

An understanding husband, a handsomely paid job, and a great life, what more can anyone ask for. But life more devious than what it appears to be.

A new guy, Akshay joined my project at my workplace. He directly reported to me. There was some animal magnetism around him. Something attracted me to him. He’s almost my age. I’ve started becoming more and more acquainted to him.

We became good friends. I always preferred to spend time with him offline, cos’ of his wit and sense of humour. What I liked in him the most was his reverence for women.

Probably, Akhil’s better than Akshay or equally good?

Akhil was my best friend till date. But Akshay seems to be deservingly gaining on this front. Though I always knew my limits and preferred to stay inside the circle of nuptial ties. I never had any intentions of cheating Akhil.

Until this particular day when I started to see things differently. Perhaps my perception was wrong. Or perhaps not.

I and Akhil reached home after attending a friend’s party. Akhil lay on the bed and I moved into the shower as I was too tired. I slowly stepped out of the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around my body, discerning sensuality and sexuality…

I was standing infront of the mirror and started to dry my hair when Akhil came close to me from the hind, held my waist and started to kiss on my neck. This must have been the umpteenth time, he’s doing it, but I always felt a kinda reluctance.

As his hands groped my body wrapped in the towel, with the heat increasing, I suddenly pushed him aback when I saw Akshay’s simulacrum in the mirror, holding onto me.

No, this can’t be. I can never imagine another guy in Akhil’s place. Perhaps I was too tired that gave me this feeling, or perhaps, Akshay’s coming too close to my heart?

What about my husband, what about the mangalsutra adorning my neck…

And tears inadvertently cascaded down my cheeks. I’ve committed a sin. Imagining another guy in my husband’s place is indeed a sin. I am sorry, Akhil. You were a great husband, I talked to my inner self.

A few minutes later, I slipped into the bed with Akhil. He’s more excited today. Very eager to go bed with me than normal. The alcohol he consumed a few minutes ago at a party must have increased his libido.

“No Akhil, let’s not do it, today,” I was totally shattered cos’ of the delusion. Akhil moved his hand over my forehead and asked, “Are you fine, sweetheart?” I nodded. He smiled and kissed me on my forehead saying, “I love you, Nisha” and fell back.

Holding the quilt, I still couldn’t stop crying. I looked at Akhil’s face. He looked like an innocent kid sleeping. He’s such a sweetheart but…

I tossed and turned on the bed, but I couldn’t get a wink off the eye. I pushed the quilt aside and walked to the dressing table. I can still recollect the words he spoke on the first night of our marriage.

I removed the mangalsutra off my neck and placed it on the table along with a note. And picked up a suitcase with my clothes inside and started to walked out of the house.

Akshay was waiting for me on the road, in his car. He opened the door and I got inside. The car started to move and I wiped the tears off my eyes as I looked back at my house which slowly disappeared into the cover of darkness.

“What did you leave on the note,” Akshay asked, “That you were sorry...”

“No,” I replied, “That my name is Divya... not Nisha...”