Even before I was married to Richard, I fell in love with another pal of mine. When I was a kid, he was a kid too. The first time I ever saw him, he bowled me over with his innocuous yet cute looks. He then touched my cheek and that was the softest feel I could ever have in my life. He kissed me on my lips, yes when I was a kid, and you may think I am kidding but that was when I fell in love with him.

Perhaps we were too young that my dad and mum had no idea about the brewing love and the intimacy between me and him. Every morning he would knock at my door and I would wake up looking at him. Both of us would run out to the garden and play with each other.

Even at an age when I couldn’t figure out what is what, I still told my friends that I loved him. They would laugh at me saying I am crazy. And I would tell the same to him, he just smiled, and silence spoke it all. He wasn’t in my school and so I missed him throughout the day. I would start dreaming about him, even before Miss Withers would come to my desk and bang the stick onto it, before I wake up with an alarm much to the frolic of my fellow mates.

And finally, the summer holidays have arrived. I’d been awaiting them so that I can spend all the time with my boyfriend. We would play for a long time in the sun and finally settle down under the boughs of the big banyan tree, and he would lay asleep in my lap. I would wake him up pulling his ear and he would run behind me to catch hold of me.

I would hold his head in both my hands and he would look into my eyes. I could sense his love even though he never expressed it in words. So thankful to you god, I am, for giving me such a handsome partner, I would always tell god.

Life passed by and both of us grew older. Old enough to get married and so did our love. Having spent more than half my life with him, I slowly understood what he meant for me, as a mature adult.

He was naughty too. When I would step out of the bathroom in my towel alone, he would somehow sneak into my room and try to pull my towel. And I shout at him, he would walk back with a downtrodden face and ofcourse; I would later say a sorry, kissing him all over to make him forget the past.

My parents started to search for an alliance for me. I never told my parents about him, even though they knew him. Few days later I was married to Richards, a nice man, but never equaled my paramour.

One day it so happened that Richards came to know about our secret love affair. But he seems to have understood. He never said a word. Life has to go on, I always thought. But the shock of my life was when I heard he’s suffering with cancer.

I rushed to the hospital followed by Richards, who consoled me all the while. I used to sleep in Richards his arms, just like how my paramour lay when we were young.

‘Sorry ma’am, he couldn’t live any longer’ was the last word from the doctor and the whole world sank before me. I fell on my knees but I just can’t help it. He died a few days later in terrible pain. It was the most terrible moment ever in my life. That day Feb 14 when he breathe his last right infront of my eyes.

To this day every Feb 14, I would visit his grave and lay a bouquet of flowers, sniffing and sobbing for a while before Richards takes me away from that place. To each and every one of you, who loved Feb. 14 might be a very special day. But for me, it’s a day when I lost everything, a trusted companion and a lover, never before have I seen such a beautiful love.

‘You taught me what love is and what life is. You have taken care of me for all these years. How could I have ever returned an equal love back to you …’ I wrote in my diary.

‘Life without you is bleak, Tuffy, and I will always remember and love you forever’

And the best gift I could give my daughter on her third birthday is a puppy dog. She loves it so much and perhaps they will also grow up to be best friends like us.