Love is a beautiful feeling. Unless you fall in love the feel you have in your heart is something inexplicable.

Modern day love isn’t straight from heart alone. It’s rather like love starts at the eyes and ends at the heart. Nevertheless I never believed in love so much until I saw her for the first time at my college induction program.

She was wearing a black dress and descended down the steps of the auditorium in which we were sitting even as I looked at her totally spellbound. She was quite bubbly with cute rounded cheeks and straight hair and the black dress complemented her beauty.
And as the induction lectures started I pushed aside these thoughts. Yes, I dint believe in love at first sight. May be it was just attraction.

The next day, I saw her again walking with a guy. I saw her many a times in just two days. May be it was a mere coincidence or I was concentrating too much on her alone.

The induction classes were over and today’s my first day in college. I was in the process of making few acquaintances when I saw her walk into my class. She was wearing a black top on jeans and her hair was bound by a cloth. The sessions started and occasionally she would flaunt her hair by pulling the cloth down her hair.

“Hey, just go and talk to her man,” Rakesh said. We were having our lunch in the canteen when we saw her sitting with her friends at a nearby table. I was reluctant to go. “She might mistake me for a flirt,” I said. “That’s not a mistake,” he laughed, “Ok, if you aren’t going, I will go.”

And I pulled him back. “Hey, how are you?” I pulled a chair and sat next to her. And then onwards it was no looking back. I always waited for her at the canteen and whenever I saw her, I would go and sit with her and always used to say, “What a coincidence, why is that you always come at the same time when I am at the canteen? Anyways, what’s your extn. May be I could reach you on that”

The very night I called her and said, “Ma’am, I am calling from the induction team. We are verifying your records when we dint find your prior marks’ sheets”

She was totally freaked out. “Sir, I have submitted the same today morning. Let me check again.” And I continued playing the prank for a while before I revealed it to her. And the aftermaths, I guess I need not explain.

And slowly we became good friends. Where ever she was I always followed her. Well, I dint have any other intentions in my mind other than being good friends with her and taking care of her. She always had this habit of reclining back on the chair and her skull used to hit hard on the bench behind. I used to rub her head whenever she hit the bench behind. Most times when I sat beside her, I always used to put my hand against the edge of the bench from behind whenever she reclined back.

She too knew that I cared for her a lot. I used to flatter her with such nice and sweet words. And slowly I realized how important she is in my life. But still I never had any feelings of love towards her.

I was always there where ever she went. College parties, canteen, hostel, in fact every place.

Finally the enjoying days have dawned and it was the time for the semester exams. Poor thing, she wasn’t able to perform well in one exam. She came out of the examination hall crying and held my hands and said, “Sanju, I crapped it up.”

After everyone’s left, we still sat in the exam hall on a porch and she was crying all the while. I said a few soothing words to console her. And she finally hugged me. Hmm… I was a kinda very broad minded to think that hug is an indication of love or atleast the starting point of love.

And one day, I said, “I love you.”

She was awestruck. She dint have words to say. I said, “No no, I love you as a friend. You see good friends hug each other, kiss one another etc etc..”

She just gave a smile. Yeah, I forgot to mention, her smile. The way in which she smiles with a slight gap in between her lips is more like an arrow being shot right through my heart. I mean to say, I can just die to see her smile that way.

This went on for a few days until one day she confronted to me. “Sanju, I love you. Not as a friend but like how a girl is supposed to love a guy”

“Megha, I too had in my mind dear. But it was great to hear from you,” I reciprocated my feelings.

And there started yet another love story. Slowly I moved out of the male company and I was always seen with her.

We became so close to each other. This went on for few years before we were placed in the same company but at different locations.

She cried and cried. “How am I gonna live without you?” she said. I had a great time consoling her apart from consoling myself as I had to leave her in some time. All these days, I have been close by her side and I never let her go off my finger. I always treated her like a small kid. And now I couldn’t even imagine my life without her. And neither did she.

But still, “We may be far, physically by distance, but close at heart. Just remember one thing, I love you a lot” I said her even as I bade bye at the railway station when she’s left me.

Technology is a boon for lovers in a way that hadn’t they discovered spread spectrum technology and cellular phones..phew… I can’t even imagine. Daily I used to call her. Speak over the phone. Talk for hours together.

And once in a while I used to go to her place to see her. And slowly we started to talk less. She was busy with her work and me with mine.

And we started to fight for even the pettiest of issues. “Sanju, why don’t you always talk lovey dovey stuff? It’s me who always says ‘I love you’ first. Don’t you have feelings for me? Do you love me less?” she asked me one day.

“No ma, I love you the same way as I used to. It’s you who’s not giving me sufficient time to talk to you and then make the magic word come out of my heart,” I replied.

“I really don’t understand why you are doing this to me. I want you to love me more. I want you to express it more often that what you are doing right now,” and she started to cry. “Please don’t give me a kinda feeling that it’s a one sided love and that too from my side.”

“Did I say that da? Why are you imagining stuff?” I asked her. “Come into my shoes and then see for yourself,” she hasn’t stopped crying yet, “You don’t come to see me. You don’t have enough time for me. You are always doing something or the other ad neglecting me…”

“What a liar, it’s you who’s immersed yourself in so much work. It’s you who doesn’t have time to talk..” I retorted.

This used to happen many a times. Such fights almost occur once in a while. You might have heard of lovers fighting due to possessiveness or jealousy. But we always fought on such issues.

And today she called me and said, “Sanjeev,” she calls me Sanju when she’s happy with me and Sanjeev when she’s angry with me, “Just don’t call me. I have been trying to strike a balance between my work and you. Your nonchalant behavior and easy to go attitude is getting onto my nerves. I don’t want to talk to you again in my life.” She squabbled and finally said, “This is the last call. Bye and take care of yourself”

“Are you sure that this is the last call?” I asked her.

“Why, what are you gonna do?” she asked.

“See, you will be responsible for all the things from now on. It is because of you that we are breaking up this relationship. Once you lose me, you will then realize my importance… good bye…” I said as I cut the last call from Megha.

And thousands of thoughts ran through my mind. ‘I just don’t see what she thinks of herself. I have loved her so much. She doesn’t even give a damn for all this love. I have scolded her. I do admit. But the context; when she left late from the office, when she was forgoing lunch for her work etc etc. She doesn’t give me sufficient time to allow me to talk to her. And without talking much, how can I melt down and say an I love you. Please God, make her understand me.’

‘Or perhaps is it me who’s doing the mistake. Did I really ignore her at times? Shouldn’t I see the problem from both sides and help her out as a lover? After all we are not just lovers but best friends too.’

‘Let me see. I won’t call her. If she has such a big ego, the love should melt that down and she only should call me’ I thought.

“Hi Megha, I am sorry ma,” I called her on her mobile, “If you think I have done something wrong, I am really sorry for that. Please let’s not break such a beautiful relationship for a petty fight”

“No Sanjeev. I am tired of all this. I am tired of you. I am tired of this love. More than the time have spent happily together, we had spent even more time fighting. Just forget me and lead a happy life,” she was still angry with me.

“How can I be happy without you ma? I love you so much. Please forgive me for one final time,” I pleaded with her.

“No Sanjeev…” she was still obstinate. “Hey, I am requesting you so much and you are still sitting on the top of the hill. My mistake. I should have never called you. Anyways, this is the last time you will be hearing from me. You will repent for this later. And here goes my last call,” I shouted at her and hung up.

I immediately made my way to the top of my house. Standing on the top of the parapet wall I looked at the ground below me. A slight gust of wind sent a chill down my spine and wiped the sweat off my face.

Have you forgotten those days when I had taken care of you so much like a kid? Have you forgotten those days when I fell at your feet begging your pardon, if I had done something wrong? Have you forgotten those nights when I kissed you on your forehead wishing you goodnight? Have you forgotten that day when your mom wasn’t well and I sat up the whole night when I prayed for her? Have you forgotten the fact that I love you more than anything else in this world? Have you forgotten all those days when we used to go to temples to pray about our future?

Whenever I see a nice dress or jewellery in a show room, I always think how nice it would be on you. Perhaps you haven’t seen my heart beat. It always says your name. Hardly any minute passes out without me thinking of you or enchanting your name. Please always remember one thing.

And I spread my hands like an eagle still standing on the parapet wall and shouted at the top of my voice, “I love you”

And now I am sending this as a mail, so that you will read this and me still awaiting your call hoping that it wouldn’t be another last call…..